Texts from Bets Vol. 10

"Watching your blog right now of the Jello video. Loved it until I thought that this is what I might look like when I run! I guess this is why I don't run!"

I love you, Mama. You look beautiful when you run.

Texts from Bets Vol. 9

Because I'm an incredibly prompt person, my mom just received her Mother's Day present yesterday. I was sleeping when she opened it and woke up to this rather caps locked-might hurt your eyes-but oh so cute text from Bets:

Let's just go ahead and file this under the "examples of how Lara is the superior Wilinsky child in every way" category.

"I tried calling but you must be sleeping!!!!!! I LOVE MY MOTHERS DAY BOX AND I LOVE YOUUUUU!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT ME TOMSSSSSSS!! I LOVE THE BASKET!!!!!! I LOVE THE CARDS!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THE CARDS!!! THE CROWN AND THE PEPPERMINT PATTIES AND KISSESSSS!!! YOU ARE SO CLEVER AND GENEROUS AND I LOVE YOU AND SO LOVE MY GIFT!!!! YOU GOT ME TOMSSSSS!!!!!!"

Do you think she liked it? I think she liked it. 10 points for me. 0 points for Ben. I win.

Happy belated Mother's Day to the best, most glittery, cutest mom in the world!!!!!

Texts From Bets Vol. 8

Text message to me and my brother:

"About 15 years ago today, we were on Tybee Island west coast of Florida for a little Easter vaca. Lara had Fifths Disease and Daddy drank her contacts!!! Happy Easter kiddies!!"

Backstories:

-Picture is taken at the hair salon last weekend where my mother was walking around in heels, drinking coffee and talking on the phone- all while wearing a haircut cape. Phenomenal.

-So this one time.. I got this thing called Fifths disease which is apparently a virus you get from the ocean. It makes your cheeks and legs splotchy and gives you a really high fever. Around the same time of the Fifths discovery debacle, I realized I didn't bring my contact case on the trip. So I put the contacts/solution in one of the hotel glasses and put it in the very far end of the bathroom counter. I also made sure to tell my family I was doing this so they wouldn't get confused. Well well well, let's just go ahead and file this one under "Dumb Things My Smart Dad Does" because I woke up in the morning to an empty glass sitting next to the sink.

"DAD!" WHERE ARE MY CONTACTS??"

"Uh oh, I think I got thirsty in the middle of the night"

"Dad, it was in the corner of the counter and there are 3 fresh glasses right here"

"Umm.."

"That means you drank the solution too"

"Well I can tell you that my stomach is seeing very well right now"

So the rest of the tropical vacation consisted of 10-year-old Lara, walking around completely blind with a 103 degree fever rambling incoherently about the heat and my ridiculous dad and probably like Saved By The Bell or something.

Texts from Bets Vol. 7

Last week, Sophie started to act really weird. And by really weird I mean she didn't eat. And when Sophie doesn't eat we pretty much sound all alarms, call 911 and scream at the top of our lungs hoping someone hears us. "OUR DOG IS NOT EATING!! OUR DOG MUST BE DYING!! HELP US!!" Combine that with the um poop-in-the-house situation... well, you get the idea...she gave us quite the scare. It turns out it was the best case scenario- all she had was a little bit of GI inflammation probably based on something poisonous she ate (not surprising at all) and after a day of antibiotics the princess was as good as new.

So obviously, my mom sent me a video to illustrate how the favorite Wilinsky child is feeling. Please excuse her baby talk voice, she speaks to me like that too. ("Ooo you're a good girl Lara, you're a good girl" while gently rubbing under my chin)

And while we're on the topic of getting well- my Grammy reads this blog and has been feeling more than yucky recently and it wouldn't be fair to mention Sophie's dumb stomach bug without acknowledging my Grammy's not dumb health issues. I wish you could be better after one day of antibiotics too :( I'm writing you a whole long post that will make you smile and feel better. I love you and I miss you!

Happy Birthday Mama!!

Ohhh my Mama. Mama mama mama.

It's her birthday and she's so cute. A cute little mama.

For those of you who don't know her, Betsy "Texts from Bets" Wilinsky is about as adorable and sweet as they come. Yes, I might be partial but seriously she's one of those people that you just want to hug. Ok maaaybe I didn't want to hug her so much when I was 15 and in a perpetual state of adolescent moody gloom but now a-days...I'd do anything to be near her and try to braid her tiny hair.

It's really hard to be 3000 miles away from the people you love the most in the whole wide world. It's even harder when you're a daughter who isn't exactly known for her time management skills. Ok so fine, I'm not good at buying gifts on time. And ok fine, I'm even worse at actually sending the gifts I do buy. But the good intention is always there.

So because I'm still working on a painting I started last year for her birthday (it's really beautiful, I should show it to you when it's done in 2036) please allow me to take you on a virtual gift giving experience to the Mama we all know and love:

It's a tradition in the Wilinsky family to decorate our bedrooms with streamers for when we we wake up on the morning of our birthday. Well, my Dad is away on a fishing trip and I'm ohhhh a few thousand miles away so Mom....here are your streamers!! Dad posted a few pics of the apartment to his facebook but unfortunately none of them were of the bedroom. SO you can have a decorated kitchen!!! Which is so much more fun!! I also figured any streamer decoration party is better with throwback pictures from early 90s holiday cards and Sophie in a party hat. Yay!

Later tonight after we finish a yummy dinner of scallops and wine served to us by scantily clad hot man waiters (it's just me and you and your friends on this date, no boys) they'll bring out the dessert of bananas foster with a candle in it and we'll all sing to you.

Then we'd go home where Ben and Dad (and ok how about the rest of our family because this is a fantasy?) would be waiting with piles and piles of presents for you to unwrap! (Can you see them sitting there in the kitchen in the picture above? They're right next to Toddler Ben's arm)

Are you ready for your presents? We really went big this year! Our stocks did good...

1. I got you a private jet (with a full service bar and food menu obviously) so you can come visit me whenever you want to.

2. I bought you a golden retriever puppy for Sophie to play with that came fully potty trained and completely unable to eat shoes. It's a miracle!

3. I bought you a time machine to go back and hang out with baby me and Ben, but then you can time machine back home when you get sick of our whining.

4. I bought you a very very cold lemon drop martini, with the rind for you to eat.

5. I bought you an entire new closet of clothes. You're welcome.

6. I bought you a Jaguar convertible because it gets very hot in San Diego and you'd look very cute in it.

7. I bought you a girls trip to Tuscany with me. Because I want to go to Tuscany too.

8. I bought you a statement necklace because it can really add a little something extra to your wardrobe don't you think?

Ben got you some presents too!! Are you excited??!

1. I bought you a monster truck for your birthday because you are little and this car is big. It is also a Batman monster truck so that makes it better.

2. I bought you a diamond ring for your birthday because you like diamond rings and this one is very big and will look good on your nicely manicured hands.

3. I bought you Pillsbury's chocolate chip cookies for your birthday because you like it when I make chocolate chip cookies. But you only get three (one extra for your birthday) and I get the rest.

4. I'm buying you two snow cones for your birthday because two snow cones are better than one snow cone and it's hot there in San Diego.

5. I'm buying you a vineyard in Northern California for your birthday because you like to drink wine and I figured that I should just buy you an infinite supply of wine.

6. I'm buying you an X-Box 360 for your birthday because I like to play it so you might like it too?

7. I'm giving you a really good picture of myself for your birthday so that you can be with me all day on your birthday.

Now the real question is....WHAT IS DAD GETTING YOU??

Happy Birthday Mama!!!! We love you!!!!!

Texts from Bets Vol. 6

Backstory:

We're going on a huge road trip for the holidays to see family and friends all over the Midwest. (editor's note: omg yay!!!!) The 12 day multi-state road trip wouldn't be complete without our 85lb golden retriever...obviously. Well apparently at her age it's unsafe to put our baby in the cargo storage part of the plane for the long flight between San Diego to Kansas City. So my furry sister has to stay home and we are so sad.

Well...Mom thought of a solution:

Via text from Bets:
"Omg forgot to tell you. Someone at work told me that you can order an online vest for dogs that says service dogs! And there is no charge for them to fly at your feet and it's against the law for people to question why you have a service dog!!!! Damn it!!! Doesn't it just figure! There is a way to get a bootleg service dog vest."

Now before you go judging here was the follow up text:

"Don't learn bad lessons from me-except twofers at the movies on christmas. That's as bad as the wilinskys get! And btw I always feel guilty on that second movie!"

Getting in the holiday spirit...one text at a time.

Texts from Bets Vol. 5

This just happened.

There are no words.

I just got these texts from my Mom. (Editor's note: Thank you to all things holy for giving my mom an iphone so she can capture these moments).

My Dad didn't want to miss a minute of the untelevised and (illegally?) downloaded football game so....

OH NO YOU DI'INT!!

HE BROUGHT THE LAPTOP TO THE GYM.

ok now wait for it, wait for it...here's the best one...

BAM.

Good workout Daddy. I'm so proud of you- you really took care of two birds with one stone. Thank you for literally making my night.

Note for Dad #1: You totally didn't know Mom was taking pictures of you, did you?

Note for Dad #2: Do you actually care about the Texans or the Eagles or was this some sort of big game that I'm not aware of? Editor's note: I was just reminded of the little minor thing I was forgetting about called FANTASY.FOOTBALL.

Note for Dad #3: One word for you: iPad.

Texts from Bets totally keep getting better and better.

Texts from Bets Vol. 4

On the phone with the mother this morning as she drove to work:

"Oh shoot I just made this light! I never make this light and this is when I normally do my lipstick! I’ll just have to do it in the parking lot."

Wise words Mom, wise words. PS. for the record, our conversations are much more intellectually stimulating than I like to record and publish for the public to read. These bits of joy just make for way better content :)

Flashback Friday

I thank Betsy Wilinsky for giving me many things in life. A mother's undying love and devotion, fierce party planning skills, compassion for others, an amazing margarita recipe and above all else...she gave me Wilson Phillips.

And for that, I thank you.

Glitt'o Pup of the Day

Here is my nephew, Sebastian being perfect as usual. With that said, here is an open letter to my Mom:

Dear Mom,

I know you get mad that I don't feature Sophie more as my Glitt'o Pup and that Sebastian gets the honor much more than she does. But you don't email me videos like Jackie does. Mom, you have an iPhone now so...it's time to get crackin! I expect at least one video and/or picture a day from now on so that me and the rest of the GMT community can bask in the glory that is my furry-haired sibling. No, I'm not talking about Ben...

Texts from Bets Vol. 3

Tonight's gem comes to you in the form of a conversation heard between my parents while skyping:

Dad: "Sophie needs to go out"

Mom: "But I'm skyping with Lara"

Dad: "Take the computer with you"

Mom: "How am I supposed to carry the computer and my glass of wine at the same time?"

There is no commentary I could add right now that could even top that moment of amazing. I love my family.

Texts from Bets Vol. 2

This lil' bit of perfection came in the form of a voicemail left on my work phone this morning:

Oh hi, I'm just saying good morning. I'm getting ready to drive to work, I'm putting on a clear coat first. Gosh, when can you do a clear coat if you don't have a car? Like when do you have time in the morning? Hm, I bet that's a problem. I got my boots out of the garage this morning, my tall black boots like you have in tan. And already my sock is scrunching underneath my foot and um, that's it. And I love you and I'll talk to you soon.

Backstory: So. My mom has this habit of putting on her clear coat of nail polish right as she gets into the car each morning and then holds the steering wheel ever so gently as it dries while she drives. She is also the master of putting on lip liner while the car is in motion.

Both of these things seemed completely normal and routine throughout my childhood until I got old enough to realize my mom has probably been semi-putting my life in jeopardy daily to maintain a beautiful manicure. Just kidding, Mom! I'm exaggerating...she only applies the clear coats before she drives or at red lights. The lip liner on the other hand...

This totally explains why nail polish fumes remind me of cars. And for the record, her nails always look fantastic.

Texts from Bets Vol. 1

Take me. Then add a few years and a whole lot of sass and you get: Betsy Wilinsky. I've been getting some amazingly zippy texts from her lately. Allow me to share.

Backstory: She reads Glitter Me This in big chunks whenever she gets a chance. Then sends me responses via text to what I've posted. She doesn't realize that she's responding like 3 days late and I have no idea what she's talking about. It usually takes me a good 5 minutes to realize what she's referring to.

The latest gems:

In response to this:

How old is the kid lip singing? Young, it's funny. Old but disabled, not so much. I hope he's young cause it's funny!

This one really threw me off. I got it like in the middle of the day while I was running errands. In response to this:

I like how nelli has a missouri license plate!

Very random and not related to any posts:

When did Lea Michelle get so thin? And not sure about the teeth- they look too fake.

Stay tuned for volume 2, hopefully featuring a couple of voicemails.

Surprise! Surprise!

Fresh off the plane. Bloody Mary? Don't mind if I do.

Mother's Day was a hit at the Wilinsky house this year- I surprised my mom and flew in for the weekend. This was a pretty impulsive decision- I found a good deal online last week and decided it was too good to pass up.

I got great suggestions from everyone on how to best do the big reveal. BUT I ended up missing my flight on Friday night and screwed the whole thing up (don't ask me how I did this, I don't want to talk about it). Picture me hysterically crying at the Frontier Airlines gate wailing "pleaseeee there has to be something you can do pleaseeeee." ANYWAY, I got in on Saturday morning. My Dad had blindfolded my Mom on the way to the airport but then my flight got in late so they had to go inside and wait- so she just sat there in baggage claim knowing that someone was coming in but didn't know who. Minorly anti-climactic but that's neither here nor there.

The main thing to take away from this trip was...note to self: DO NOT TRY TO SURPRISE MOM. SHE DOES NOT LIKE IT.

It all started because Dad told her she had to cancel her hair appointment that was on Saturday (a very hard to schedule, very big deal hair appointment) because of "a big surprise." What came next was 5 days of sheer panic. I literally thought she was going to develop an ulcer with "What can we possibly be doing?".... "I don't like surprises, I don't like surprises, what are we doing?" and most importantly "WHAT DO I WEAR!??"

The issue of misdressing for the surprise became almost too much for her to bare. What if she wore heels and a small purse to Sea World? Or what if she wore comfy sneakers and a big purse to a Carole King concert? "Are we going in a hot balloon?" "WHAT DO I WEAR TO A HOT AIR BALLOON!!??"

It all obviously ended up just fine- she was over the moon with me surprising her and it turned out it didn't matter if she wore heels or sneakers or a gigantic purse :) We had the best, best, best time.

Saturday- lovely day spent at Del Mar beach. Sunday was brunch on the water, shopping and ribs for dinner! Didn't take pictures :(

Beach puppy.

Funniest picture ever. I'm not naked I promise, Sophie is though.

More pics to come when I get them off my camera.

Beach! Excuse my mom- she looks like she's literally making out with me in this video and it makes me slightly uncomfortable as I'm sure it does you. But she's so cute it doesn't matter.

Best Mother's Day evaaaaaaaa!!

Mom wrap up

EDITORS NOTE: This post has been sitting in my drafts for a week. I just need to post this already. I'll put up pictures from the trip and more detailed food reviews later!

Ohhh boy. The month of a million visitors continues and I haven't even had time to post about Mom visits NY 2k10 and now Ben is in town!!! Ah it's all so fun.

Highlights of the Mom trip: (full food reviews to come later)

Thursday:

-Motorino in East Village. (Yes, we got the brussel sprout pizza, yes it was ammmazing)

-Waffles and Dinges!! Best surprise evaa- the truck was parked at Astor Place and I have been dying to try it. The man in the truck was so funny and he was starving so we gave him our pizza leftovers and got a deal on our waffles.

Our BFF!

Friday:

-BLT Fish for cocktails

-Raines Law Room aka my favorite place on the planet for lots more cocktails

-Dinner at 1am at Momofuku Noodle Bar- we did sake bombs. They don't even do sake bombs there- it was my moms suggestion and the waiter made it happen. Oh my god amazing.

Saturday:

-Schillers Liquid Bar for breakfast YUM, had a lovely day walking around the LES

-IN.THE. HEIGHTS. My life was changed. We laughed, we cried, we had great seats..it was soo good.

-Then we had a res at Buddakan but I wasn't in the mood so we ate at a little Italian place in Hell's Kitchen. They put a glob of ricotta cheese in their little bowl of olive oil that comes with the bread. Umm why doesn't every place do this?

Sunday:

2nd Ave Deli with all the cousins and my teeny little baby cousin. Then OSCAR PARTY!! We had a red carpet, and wore tiaras and ate tacos.

All and all- a fantastic, fantastic visit with Mom. We did much snuggling, eating and site seeing and I couldn't ask for anything more!

Absolute Perfection

This is literally incredible. I must watch it five more times.

PS. Mom visits NY 2K10 has arrived!! Posting will probably be a little light this weekend due to the fact that I will be pinching her cheeks and giving her hugs for four straight days therefore inhibiting my ability to type.

Good morning from Betsy

I just missed a call on my work phone from my mom. I just set up my answering machine and she got pretty excited by it. For anyone that doesn't know my mom, this sums her up prettttty well.

BEEP:

Oooooh! I love your message!! Hi! Good morning! I'm calling to see how my little mashed potato is doing. I think you should go out with Shawn White. I really think that you guys would make such a cute couple. Oh my god, he is so adorable. But you'd maybe have to get a little athletic. But you do yoga! Ok, I love you, I hope you're having a way happy day so far.

She has entire conversations with herself on my answer machines. Betsy Wilinsky everyone, she's a keeper.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA

Look at whose birthday it is!!!!!! Could she be any cuter? I don't think so.

To the best mom a girl could ask for...Happy happy happy birthday. ILYTPLTM xoxoxo.

Jaime made you a cookie cake and we ate it in your honor. We're nice like that.

Friends, can you please leave some comment lovin' for my mommy? I think she'd like it. Let's make the theme...my favorite memory of Betsy is...

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!

Glitt'o Pup of the Day

Meet Oliver. You can call him Jolly Olly. That's what his family calls him because he's so happy.

So.. this is Olly playing in the fountain by my mom's chiropractor in San Diego. As my mom was leaving her appointment yesterday she noticed there was a crowd gathered around this fountain. It's the kind where water just randomly shoots up from little holes in the ground. Olly had been chasing the water for 45 minutes by the time my mom stopped to watch him.

She took this video from her phone. 45 minutes he had been doing this. Apparently he was kind of losing steam but then this huge crowd started to gather around him and he picked up a second wind. More video of his water chasing is apparently on YouTube but I can't find it. My mom said it was so hilarious.

PS. Olly and his mommy and sister were getting ready to leave, one of the people in the crowd came up to them and asked if they could wait 15 minutes because one of his friends was on his way to come watch.

PPS. That is his little sister in the video and the mommy told my mom that she just wants to walk him everywhere and like pull him around and he weighs double what she does and its so funny.

PPPS. Olly was able to guess which hole the water was going to come out of next but according to the maintenance man who had also stopped to watch- the water came out on a totally random cycle leaving my mom and Olly's mom to guess that he could feel the vibrations in the ground. Not as funny, but interesting none the less.

I WANT A BULLDOG