Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I just wanted a snack

Before a long flight this weekend I got very hungry. I resisted every urge to buy those delicious cinnamon-sugar covered little baby sized pretzel nuggets from the Auntie Ann's stand and opted for a much more responsible Snickers bar (regular size, not king size and I was very proud).

I was soo happy to have my Snickers bar and it was soo satisfying. There was a very little Asian man sitting next to me and he kept eyeing my Snickers like he wanted it but I didn't give him a bite.

Around my 4th delicious nibble, I felt full and wanted to save a couple bites. I do this a lot, I'm like a chipmunk. I like to store just oneeee more bite for later, usually in my cheeks. Because my cheeks are very big. I don't even remember what was going through my head but I ended up losing track of the delicious Snickers and forgetting all about it (I do this often too).

Throughout the flight me and my tiny Asian man flying partner hated each other. Let's call him Milton. He looked like a Milton. So, Milton was all up in my armrest space and he definitely had a bad case of gas. I think he was mad at me that I didn't offer him a bite of the Snickers. Basically it was a lot of sideways looks and annoyed shifting of body weight.

The plane lands. I go to grab my phone from in between my legs (where every respectable girl keeps her important possessions for safe keeping)- as I reach down something feels wrong. Uh oh. I pick up my phone to reveal the home screen button, the screen and the entire USB input COVERED in melted carmel and chocolate. Oh for the love of god.

I glance over to my little Milton nemesis and he's staring at me...he looks down at my phone...then he looks up at me...then back down to my phone. I was still mad at him for the armrest hogging and the farts so I decide to do what any respectable girl would do and totally licked the chocolate off. Like I straight up licked the screen of my phone. Then I shot him a really mean look that said "Don't mess with me, little man"

Unfortunately, just as I suspected, the rest of my delicious Snickers bar was melted allllll over the seat and on my pants. I got up with a growl, shot the man another look and ran off of the plane, leaving my dignity and melted mess in seat 14D.

On a scale of 1-10 how uncomfortable did this story just make you?


  1. If you can't hide little nibbles in your cheeks, why not hide them in your mug?


  2. I FUCKING LOVE YOU HAHAHAHAHA. you made me so comfortable :)