Monday, February 28, 2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Oscars! Part CINQ

We now interrupt my normally snarky commentary for...Natalie Portman.

::sigh of relief:: She's obviously at her biggest yet and yet...she looks teeeeeny tiny. The color is a homerun. Those earrings. I really think this was the best cut choice they could've picked. I'm so happy I liked it. Boring response, I just think I'm feeling very zen about it all.

I really feel like I'm either missing a bunch of people or we actually didn't see a lot of people. I think these tacos are hitting me and I'm getting sleepy?

PS- pleaseee don't be mad at me but I decided not to live blog during the actual show. The Oscars are really long and generally pretty boring so I'm just going to do one big recap at the end and sit back and enjoy myself.

This is a really anticlimactic ending, I'm not sure what to do about this. Hm. Wanna comment and we can get like a little commentary going that way?


Oscars! Part CAT

For anyone who is interested I just ate 2 tacos in 35 seconds and then forgot I ate it and wondered when I was going to have time to eat then noticed the salsa sitting on my chest and remember I had already eaten. That was bizarre aaaand moving on.

:( Looks kinda old and the kinda like sad or something? And the dress isn't the best. But um shall we move on?

Penelope Cruz is breast feeding. Shall we say more? I think that was when I forgot I was eating tacos.

And I now officially see the full monstrosity that is Nicole Kidman's dress. Sooo it's horrible? it doesn't fit? It has giant swirls on her hips? La la la la laaa worst dressed of the night la la la laaa.

Silver is obvi the color of the night. I'm ok with that?

HELLO MARK WALBERG'S WIFE. I honestly love this and for some reason I really am inspired by the colors and would love to use this as like an inspiration board for living room color schemes.

Gwyneth: it's so her and its soooo beautiful and I love the broach. Really, I know everyone hates on her and hates on me for loving her but I say suuuuupurb girlfriend.

Anne Hathaway. So I'm going to tone it down tonight with how much I hate her so I don't lose readers and get threatening text messages but I'm just going to say it once- can't stand her. BUT she looks beautiful, she looks like a host and looks really pretty.

Besties thus far:
Jennifer Lawrence

Cate Blanchett
Celine Dion
Hailee Steinfeld
Gwyneth Paltrow


Melissa Leo

Nicole Kidman

Julianna Rancic
Marissa Tomei

Oscars! Part TROIS

Marissa Tomei, I love her so I won't publican berate her but...she'll absolutely be on all the worst dressed lists.

Hilary Swank. I probably should love this dress because it combines the 2 things I love more than anything in the world: glitter and feathers but um. Lame. I just picture her as a man and I can't handle when she gets dressed up. I also hate the hair. I love the dress just please, not on her androgynous self.

Helena Bodham Carter- same ole same and I love her for it. (Colin Firth looks hot and Geoffery Rush looks like a madman- quick who gets the reference?)

Nicole Kidman sighting. Can't tell yet but I think I don't like it. However, Keith Urban I can eat with a spoon and a cherry on top.

Queen Helen Miren: Love the hair, it ages her but she looks flawless as always.

YOU GUYS I hate to say this....CELINE DION. Ummmm surprise best look of the night? Is anyone completely speechless over how good she looks and how beautiful her dress is?

HALLE BERRY SIGHTING. Ohhhhhhhh ohhhhhhh ohhhhh my oh. I think I might be speechless? I absolutely love that color on her, the tulle, the hair, the cut. And can I say something weird? You know how she's in that race fight with her ex? I think she looks especially dark tonight- like sometimes she totally looks very light and tonight she doesn't and I just wanted to throw it out there.

REEEEESE OMG YOU GUYS. REESE. Ohhh her hair. I just freaked out. They just showed her in a car. More to come of me hyperventilating.

Ok I see the whole thing now. Reese: My immediate feelings are: Julia Roberts dress from the oscars years ago combined with her playboy bunny costume from Legally Blonde. Don't you totally agree? I love it and I love her hair. Kinda plain but the hair is puuuurfection. I want to squeeze her little cheeks.

Sidenote/correction: I just saw a still picture full body shot of Amy Adams and it's absoultely stunning. STUNNING. Lose the necklace baby but you get it girl. Gooooo Muskies.

Oscars! Part DEUX

Amy Adams. Hm. I ummm don't know how I feel. She definitely looks beautiful and the makeup is really really beautiful and I love the color. I have never loved necklaces with necklines like that sooo minus points but I think I do like it.

Let's take this commercial break to discuss Kelly Osborne. I love it. I love the bride of Frankenstein hair, it totally works on her. I'm digggggging the lips. And love love love the dress. She got a little pudgy for the grammys and I'm happy to see girlfriend got to the gym and got her hot back.

Speaking of the gym, can you hear the hard crunching of the chips and guac I'm literally stuffing into my mouth as we speak? It sounds like angels crying.

OOoo hello patricia arquette look-a-like aka Mark Ruffalo's wife. That is sooo interesting and weird and structured eye candy.

Uh oh- J-Huds. Oh no no no no no no no. Let's make up a term for when people look like they're wearing Jessica McClintock. We'll now refer to it as the McC scale. Jennifer Hudson is at about an 8 on the McC scale. Fine she looks skinny but- floppy boobs need to be tucked in and saved for her husband in private.

oh oh ohhhh ohhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Cate Blanchett. GIRL JUST STEPPED THIS SHIT UP. Avant garde-amazing hair-those colors-that cut. Her face and hair have never looked better. Best freaking dressed in my book so far, call me crazy. It's weird I know but its just perfect.

Ohhh helllo scarjo. I actually don't even love love the dress, like the front of it is weird but that back and HER.HAIR. HER.MAKEUP. ahhhhhhhh I just licked the tv screen. Lying...but I did totally slam 2 chips into my mouth and started jumping up and down. Holy crap i mean...holy crap.

Taco break.

Oscars! Part ONE

Jennifer Lawrence of Winter’s Bone is the first interview of the night. 1 word. Perfection. Ok I see her body, perfect side boob. Calvin Klien does the body good. She looks like a skinny/serious version of Jennifer Coolidge. Can you seee that? The girls I’m with think she looks like Stephanie Pratt (pre meth)

JULIANNA RANIC SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM TELEVSION. I’m sick of the over tanned alien face. put that skeletor frame in a floral print giant dress with a 15 foot train a la Jessica McClintock.

Note for Natalie Portman: Birth control before awards season for the love of god! Like this is the most important few weeks of your life You should have planned accordingly.

Cheryl Hines- amazing material, amazing cut. Great makeup. What movie was she in? Why is she there.

6:08 HAILEE STEINFELD SIGHTING. Just throwing it out there- I was the most excited for her appearance tonight. You guys- she’s the bell of the ball. Tea length, hair pulled back with a headband. She takes every cue on how to be an A-lister when you’re 13. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. Obviously best dressed so far even though we’ve seen 4 people. Jennifer Lawrence is second best.

Goal for my life: look good in a calvin klein dress ala Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone at Golden Globes oo ooo or Claire Danes remember that one?

Melissa Leo. Ok I’m throwing it out there….I’m sick of her- she’s awkward and she was amazing in The Fighter but…I’m over it. Bad bad bad dress and I hate to say it but I think her career is kinda gonna downfall from here. Does anyone else feel that way?

Oh my god. I just saw Michelle Williams in the back of a car. Got chills.

Oh my god Ryan is interviewing Hailee. I can’t I can’t I can’t type fast enough. It’s just so perfect. She’s poised without being too Dakota Fanning-ish. Her makeup is perfect and perfect and perfect. The beading on her dress is unreal, the cut is peferct. The color is perfect. How many times do you think I can say perfect.

Michelle Williams. Ok she looks like royalty. But she can’t walk. You’re supposed to practice these things. Aaaaamazing cut, oooo ooo I really like it.

Mila Kunis sighting. FAVSIES alert. I want to put my hands on her boobies. Just a gentle little touch because um, they look amazing? The dress is so interesting and unique and the color is different and it totally works. She’s great at wearing clothes that are flattering but she’s also comfortable in. I think if I was an A list celebrity I’d do the same thing. And I’d look like Mila and we’d be best friends.

Mandy Moore- I can’t even look at her in the face and I don’t want to waste blog time talking about her. Librarian in sparkles.

Before I say goodbye for this round of live blogging I’d like to paint a little picture for you. I’m so tired and hot and not really into blogging but trying to be that I’m basically resorting to anything to make me awake/funny/into this. Soooo this means I am sitting on the couch… in my bra…downing a white wine spritzer and taking sporadic breaks to run around in circles to get my adrenaline pumping. I feel like a trashy, technologically saavy grandmother?

Ok, as I was posting this Michelle Williams was being interviewed by Ryan. Did I just witness a trainwreck?? Lip injections? Is she hopped up on xanax? Just nervous and having an allergic reaction to the shellfish she ate for lunch? Ohhhh maaa god that was so painful.

Friday, February 25, 2011

It's kind of a funny story...

On Sunday morning I woke up in a (very rare) surge of productivity. Hello sun! Hello morning! I love you! Feeling inspired, I threw on gym clothes, downed a bowl of Rice Krispies and ran out the door to catch an early morning spin class. Normal Weekend Lara doesn't leave her bed until late brunch time so Productive Weekend Lara didn't take into consideration the incredibly adjusted weekend schedule of the L train.

The stupid train put me 15 minutes behind schedule and by the time it pulled into the 8th ave station I had 3 minutes until the class started. So naturally I pushed an elderly man, a pregnant woman and 2 kids out of my way and began sprinting to the exit.

Side note for non-New Yorkers: the 8th ave station is the last stop for the L train. Subway cars kind of sit there empty for a few minutes before beginning to circle back around.

SO...I'm running.... in my
big black puffy coat.... sprinting. Then in slow motion I see my iphone fly out of my coat pocket and smack into the side of the idle subway car. Midair- I see my beautiful glitter case separate from the phone and fly in 2 different directions- for a split second it was like glittery fireworks exploding off the side of the subway before climatically dropping down into the gap between the subway car and the platform. My phone was GONE into the dark, smelly, wet subway track abyss.

It's just me and one other guy who see it happen and we both drop down to a semi-squat with our hands out to the sides in slow motion collectively screaming "NOOOOO." We looked at each other horrified:

Me: "what do I do??"
Him: "what do you do??"
Me: "ohmygodohmygodohmygod WHAT DO I DO!!!!!"
Him: "what kind of a phone was it?"
Me "iPhone"
Him: "oh man you're so screwed"

For 5 minutes I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off looking for an MTA employee. One person told me to talk to another person who told me to talk to another person- finally I was told that the "track team" would be dispatched shortly to do a search and recovery for me.

In all of my screaming and oh my god-ing and running around in circles I quickly realized that I had no idea where on the tracks it actually dropped.


So I start searching along the side of the parked subway car. There is a 1-foot gap between the platform and the subway car. Let me just tell you, deep down in that gap were dark, murky atrocities I just didn't want to see. Trash and melted snow and...rodents. Omg. So I start losing hope and start feeling like I'm going to lose my breakfast when there is a glimmer of hope. I see some glitter sparkling 10 feet ahead of me. Let's review what my ridiculous cell phone case looks like:

And like an angel sent from heaven, the glitter of my phone was glowing amidst the trash. No joke, I actually saw that giant gem from like 10 feet away. Then I laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of finding my cell phone because of freaking glitter.

So the track guy comes- he has to stop the train, climb onto the front of the train and onto the tracks- it's all very dramatic. I was holding out hope that my phone would be found near the glitter case because the pieces had separated from each other on the fall. Normally, a black iphone without the case would be like looking for a needle in a hay stack in that dark track abyss phone wasn't was blue!!

Behold. My cousin got me this totally awesome Skin-It sticker of my blog masthead that has been on my phone for a few months. Isn't it awesome? Do you want to know what's more awesome? The track dude found my phone in seconds because he saw the turquoise. 25 seconds after my knight in shining armor got on the tracks I had both pieces of my case and my iphone- completely dry, completely intact and completely crack free.

The point here, my dear friends, is that GLITTER ME THIS SAVED MY CELL PHONE.



How about an epic music video for your Friday? In which, Eminem raps to a dying Dr. Dre in a water hyperbolic chamber soooo.... it's pretty much cinematic genius.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Texts from Bets Vol. 7

Last week, Sophie started to act really weird. And by really weird I mean she didn't eat. And when Sophie doesn't eat we pretty much sound all alarms, call 911 and scream at the top of our lungs hoping someone hears us. "OUR DOG IS NOT EATING!! OUR DOG MUST BE DYING!! HELP US!!" Combine that with the um poop-in-the-house situation... well, you get the idea...she gave us quite the scare. It turns out it was the best case scenario- all she had was a little bit of GI inflammation probably based on something poisonous she ate (not surprising at all) and after a day of antibiotics the princess was as good as new.

So obviously, my mom sent me a video to illustrate how the favorite Wilinsky child is feeling. Please excuse her baby talk voice, she speaks to me like that too. ("Ooo you're a good girl Lara, you're a good girl" while gently rubbing under my chin)

And while we're on the topic of getting well- my Grammy reads this blog and has been feeling more than yucky recently and it wouldn't be fair to mention Sophie's dumb stomach bug without acknowledging my Grammy's not dumb health issues. I wish you could be better after one day of antibiotics too :( I'm writing you a whole long post that will make you smile and feel better. I love you and I miss you!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Happy Wednesday!

My best friend is legal's my brother's 21st birthday today. AKA THE BEST DAY OF MY FAMILY'S LIFE.

Dear Benny:
1) Welcome to the club. Life gets soooo much better starting now.
2) Because I blew my whole budget on Mom's birthday presents...I kept it pretty simple and just got you a pool full of beer. I know it's just dudes in there right now but maybe you can convince those ladies to come in too.

Best sister ever?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I love you and you and you and you

Ohhh Valentine's Day. Have you ever noticed how strong people feel towards Valentine's Day? Some people go way overboard and some people get waaaay too depressed. I'd like to think I ride the fine line of normalcy- when I have a boyfriend I don't expect too much and when I'm single I don't get depressed and sit the couch with a pint of ice cream and 5 hours of Gilmore Girl DVDS.

No no, I simply like to use Valentine's Day as a reminder of how much I love the people in my life. And how much I love hearts. And pink. And glitter. And fuzzy decorated socks.

For dinner, my ladies and I made the most delicious chicken roll-up things that look kind of gross in that picture but you guys, you HAVE to make them. Recipe here. They're super healthy and my mouth has been watering thinking about that sauce all day. Note: We switched out the sour cream with Fage and it just as tasty (and healthier??)

Happy happy post-Valentine's Day to all. Thanks for reading and supporting me and showing me love every day. xoxo

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Ooo Barbara performance? Ok. Oooooo she looks beautiful. Boring.

Nicky Minaaaaageeeee in the houseee. Ew Eminem scares me. He won. I’m happy for him. I’m not happy for his plastic surgeon. Detroit stand up.

I’m literally exhausted and just now feeling my hangover from last night.

Whats the deal with Ditty’s intense grills?


Ooooooo this is hot. Shake it girl. Sing it boy. This is hot.

Ok.. Uncomfortably hot.



I can’t stop starting at her jeweled crouch. I think this is the point?

Let’s take a Glitter Me This poll…how would I look with Rihanna’s hair color? I want it.

Loving this funky African breakdown. This is great.

Is that it? Don’t end. Please don't end. I haven't seen something that hot since I taped the Victoria's Secret fashion show and paused it every 15 seconds to oogle.

Jenny from the block time. THAT my friends is how you dress like a disco ball. I bow to you my queen. Marc Anthony aka Skeletor freaks me out.

Oh my god. Lady Antebellum just swept best album. Wow. That’s pretty crazy. I’m sorry but could you get bigger than Empire State of Mind this year? I don’t think so.

Arcade fire- it has been way too long of a night and I’m all the sudden way too hungover for you right now. Ouch. Seriously, this is hurting my head.


Album of the year I’m falling asleep at my computer. If anyone is even still reading this IDENTIFY YOURSELF. I will send you a present.

Ew Arcade Fire just won? Can I go to bed now? This is bananas. Gaga wore skin shoulder pads for the love of god. Does this mean Arcade Fire plays again?

Is this like American Idol when they get to do an end victory song? ...only these people didn’t just get kicked off so I’m very confused.

Should I like Arcade Fire? I don’t think it’s my jam.

To all of you precious people that just read all of this: Get a life. Seriously, you probably just wasted a few hours. Just keeeeding! I love you all!!!! Thank you!!! Next year in Jerusalem!

Secrest Out.

Grammy's Part SEEEIS

Lady Antibellum time. Sorry Andrea Clift but…this means DVR time. They’re good but come on I’m falling asleep. Where is Gwyneth Paltrow already? Thank you lady Antellbelum for that, I needed to take a pee break anyway.

Best Country Album. Another pee break? Ok fine, more Reese’s.

OOOOO ooooo cee lo time!!!!!!! Gwyneth!!!!?? EE eeeeeee. And the puppets. Oh god. I’m so excited.

Omg look at that set.

CEE LO THERE ARE NO WORDS. Gwyneth. Feathers. I can’t type fast enough. I can’t. I just can’t handle this. I’m not kidding. I’m sweating. OH MY GOD HER SHOES. I might pass out. She’s on the piano. I can’t even write commentary to this. Obviously this was the best most unreal part of the show. YES. Thank you this show is now complete. There was a puppet pug in a parrot costume I mean? I need to take a breath.

Neil Patrick Harris please talk to me you perfect man you.

KATY PERRY PERFORMANCE. Please blow me away. Please.

I see sparkles? Obviously, yes. I think I need sparkle tights. Please zoom in on her nails pleaseeeeeee. I hope that swing starts swinging over the stage cirque de soliel style. Oooo something is happening.

Swing is moving. We have swing movement. Ohhhh myyyyy gooddddd wedding footage? Wedding footage? Wow. Ok. Kind of dying.

Ok we’re picking it up. Valentine montage!!!?? HERE WE GO!!!

Dancing with my Tostitos and Reeses. (is this why my brother is my valentine and I’m single?? Shut up).

La la la I love this la la la la. Aaand I’m officially singing along. Oh Katie. You melt my glitter pop sparkle girlie heart.

Is that Norah Jones??? Oh my god. OMG OMG OMG JOLEEN COVER???????

MY HANDS ARE SWEATING. Norah. Oh my god. This is too much. Seriously though, do you think John Mayer is sick or something?

Don’t stop singing!!!!!! Keep going!!!! Why is this song ending??

SONG OF THE YEAR. I can’t get over how good Norah looks and how messed up John Mayer is. Lady Antebellum wins. Whatevsies.

Seth Rogan just made a Miley weed joke. YES. God I love him.


Why don’t I ever like what she wears? I can’t get enough of her red hair though. Great makeup. Adam Levine you pound that piano.

Very fire-y. Bored.

I hearrrr Em. Come out of the flames like a pheonix why don’t you?

Mmmm I love me some Eminem. Rihanna looks intense. Such an ugly dress.

Dancing dancing on my couch.

Who is this person? She’s hot? I’m happy so Eminem is back in my life, I really did miss him. Seriously who is this girl? And why won’t they go to a close up? She sounds like the Cranberrys.

Kinda bored….oh you too?


Fresh kicks Dre. I’m bored with this set design. Damnit that was so underwhelming.

Ok really quickly can I just say…..that performance totally sucked but those few right before it (Cee Lo, Norah, Katy Perry etc.) were transcending. Moving on.

New artist: If its Bieber I’m done.

The winner is…um….who?? Who is this person? Please don’t judge me for not knowing. Love her dress and love her hair. Giiiiirllll. I have a feeling this was a big upset? Great speech. Great shoes.

Awkward Grammy Academy speech. I hate not being able to fast forward. And now we’re going into the legacy tribute. I’m tired.

Oooooo a little Mick Jagger?? Ok. Thank you. Kinda fun he’s such a performer.

How much longer are these on? I’m exhausted.

Grammy's Part CINCO

SOMEONE REMIND ME WHY EVA LONGORIA IS THERE. Omg because of Justin Bieber? Is this for real?

Usher is coming on stage with Bieber. I feel uncomfortable. They both talk in a sort of wisper like they are trying to sex me with their voices. I appreciate this with Usher. Stop doing this Bieber it makes me feel very yucky.

Ok…liking his guitar on a stool breakdown. Ooooo pickin up the pace a little bit. Omg ninja bongos??? What is this. Get it get it get it.

Ninja dancing with little swords how am I still bored? Maybe it’s because this song sucks. I’ll say never. NEVER. NEVER.

YESSSS PLEASE JADEN SMITH BREAK IT DOWN. Jaden Smith makes me a little too excited to admit on a public space such as this. Awww look at Jada and Will cheering.

Usher comin in with the fog machine. I’m now dancing with my Reese’s…please stop judging me. What are you doing? Eating Doritos and picking your butt?

I really love a good Usher breakdown. You make me want to say oh oh oh oh Usher. Cool dance sequence between the Biebs and Usher. Where is Jaden I miss him. Ew Usher got way sweaty.

Best rock album being announced. Already bored.

Selina Gomez and Donnie Walberg presenting together? Ha.

Whoa is an intense category. Gaga won. OHHH MYYYY GOD. LOOK AT WHAT SHE’S WEARING. Hahahahahahahhahahahahahha



Oh god she’s going to go into the monster speech that she does ugh. She has horns. Gaga has horns.

Wow Selena Gomez really really looks hot.

We get it Gaga. Adversity. We know. Whitney Houston shout out? Interesting.

John Mayer actually is starting to really really freak me out- what’s wrong with him.


Ooooo Mumford & Sons sing to me. Sing to me, sweet sweet beautiful boys. Please let Dylan actually pick up a guitar and or harmonica right now unlike his recent (disappointing) concerts. Mumford is amazing. Best performance of the night so far.

Avett Bros time. I want the Mumford hotties back. But this is beautiful. Will there be some big collaborative finale with everyone?


And kind of weird lighting.

BOB DYLAN time. Please have a guitar.

OOOOOOOOOO MAGGIES FARM. MAGGIE’S FARM!!! Don’t care bout the guitar anymore. Sing it for me. Damn it he sounds terrible but how awesome is this group?? Yes yes yes yes. Ok he still sounds like himself, just a little scratchier. God this must be soo cool for all of these guys. Loving this. I love crazy Bob Dylan.

YES YES YES YES harmonicaaaaaaa!!! ……for 5 beats. I’ll take it. Haha Bob Dylan is such a grouchy badass.

Grammy's Part FOUR

Aaaaaand the Gaga performance is starting. The hibernation pod is opening. WILL SHE BE A BUTTERFLY? I see some latex. Ooooo fierce body. Wow seriously no carbs for a while have done her good. Hot hot bod.

FINALLY DANCING. Omg this is actually hot. Loving it so far. I like the ode to Madonna hair.

Oh my god you guys….she has skin shoulder pads. SKIN SHOULDER PADS. They are glued on and flash toned.

Oh god, set change???? Is it about to get weird up in this bitch? (nope false alarm) That’s a cool organ.

Naked? Has everyone gotten nakie? I like some nakie. I wonder if all the dancers are like hermaphrodites or something else groundbreaking. Can’t you see that headline? “Gaga sets the record for most hermaphrodites on a stage at one time”

Ok- that was safe? That was not groundbreaking? But actually I did like that. I’d like this show to be brought up a couple of notches though.

Miranda Lambert is beautiful and she sings with such passion buttttt…this is pretty much what DVR was invented for. FAST FORWARD.

This better get more exciting. I think it actually might be something to do with the set that is falling a little flat for me. Like these screens behind the performers feel a little disconnected. It feels like a little too stark?

Oh my god you guys seriously did you see Leann Rimes?? She looks emaciated.

Muse performance. Here we go.

Well they’re all wearing sparkle suits so…hello.

I’m not thaaat into Muse so I’d probably fast forward this too. I need more tostidos.

Ok wait- cool effects going on all the sudden. We have a falling stage and masked men fake breaking the set. Ok I like these visuals a lot. This is really theatrical.

Bruno Mars. B.O.B. Janelle Monae. Please give me something exciting.

What is it with the way Bruno Mars looks that freaks me out so bad. B.O.B. is wearing a monocle. So who is this Janelle person? I love love love her rock star hair.


B.O.B’s looks kind of freak me out too. He kind of looks like a skinnier Dave Chappelle.

Oh whats this? Are we about to have a soul breakdown?

Hm. Black and white? Still kinda boring. But Bruno can definitely break it down. Oooo getting sexier. Ok I’m kind of liking this. Is Janelle going to come out in a red sparkly number that they’re going to add color to amongst the black and white?

Ok not red sparkles but she did rise from the stage. Who is she again? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again….living in NYC kind of removes me from what is going on in the radio world.

Is she wearing adidas sambas? Throwback alert. OH NO OH NO. Crowd surfing fail. I’m still kinda bored. Maybe it’s because there haven’t been sparkles for a few minutes.

Country vocal performance award. I hate that I’m watching this live and don’t have DVR fast forward capabilities. Aw i'm happy for this cutie Miranda Lambert. Country we like her? I need to be educated.

I need a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups break...pardon me.

Grammy's Part TRES

7:37. Bieber in white. I wonder when his voice will drop?

7:45 RIHANNA looks like a see-through pipe cleaner. Her face looks beautiful. I love her red hair. Apparently she has jeweled nipple covers on and that’s it….so ok. You won me over. I’m just never obsessed with her. Sorry.

7:47 Jewel looks radiating and I am loving the minimal makeup.

7:50 Jamie Foxx is pimping 2 women on the red carpet and Im sorry but the asian one is the best dressed of the night and we don’t even know who she is. Like UNREAL. Did you guys see that outfit? Black feathers, see through? I’m calling it right now she’s going to be the Elizbeth Hurley of this year’s awards.

7:52 Lea Micheleeeee. What do I thiiiiiink? I don’t knowwwwww what to thiiiink.

7:52 Leann Rymes you are too skinny and stole someone's husband. I was over you after Coyote Ugly.

7:53 Heidi and Seal loook like the rock couple that they are. Don’t love heidi’s sleeves but love her hair and love her color and her makeup and ATTENTION RACHEL SELIGER/ LISA BOMBERG- she has gold minx on her toes OHHH GOOOOODDDD.

THE SHOW IS STARTING. I’m so excited for these performances I don’t know what to do with myself.

Aretha tribute. Omg. I can’t wait. It’s starting.

J MOTHERF-ING HUDSON. Ladies and gentlemen.

Ok kind of boring. I want some dancing. And when will Christina lose that baby weight? It’s hard to look at her. No? Too rude? Im sorry I’ll tone it down.

Whoa ok Florence is kinda saving this performance. Whoa whoa whoa whoa girl.

Jhuds is rocking respect. I’m now dancing on my couch with my tostidos.

Check back with me in a couple of commercial breaks people. I love you, you’re beautiful.