Oscars! Part ONE

Jennifer Lawrence of Winter’s Bone is the first interview of the night. 1 word. Perfection. Ok I see her body, perfect side boob. Calvin Klien does the body good. She looks like a skinny/serious version of Jennifer Coolidge. Can you seee that? The girls I’m with think she looks like Stephanie Pratt (pre meth)

JULIANNA RANIC SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM TELEVSION. I’m sick of the over tanned alien face. put that skeletor frame in a floral print giant dress with a 15 foot train a la Jessica McClintock.

Note for Natalie Portman: Birth control before awards season for the love of god! Like this is the most important few weeks of your life You should have planned accordingly.

Cheryl Hines- amazing material, amazing cut. Great makeup. What movie was she in? Why is she there.

6:08 HAILEE STEINFELD SIGHTING. Just throwing it out there- I was the most excited for her appearance tonight. You guys- she’s the bell of the ball. Tea length, hair pulled back with a headband. She takes every cue on how to be an A-lister when you’re 13. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. Obviously best dressed so far even though we’ve seen 4 people. Jennifer Lawrence is second best.

Goal for my life: look good in a calvin klein dress ala Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone at Golden Globes oo ooo or Claire Danes remember that one?

Melissa Leo. Ok I’m throwing it out there….I’m sick of her- she’s awkward and she was amazing in The Fighter but…I’m over it. Bad bad bad dress and I hate to say it but I think her career is kinda gonna downfall from here. Does anyone else feel that way?

Oh my god. I just saw Michelle Williams in the back of a car. Got chills.

Oh my god Ryan is interviewing Hailee. I can’t I can’t I can’t type fast enough. It’s just so perfect. She’s poised without being too Dakota Fanning-ish. Her makeup is perfect and perfect and perfect. The beading on her dress is unreal, the cut is peferct. The color is perfect. How many times do you think I can say perfect.

Michelle Williams. Ok she looks like royalty. But she can’t walk. You’re supposed to practice these things. Aaaaamazing cut, oooo ooo I really like it.

Mila Kunis sighting. FAVSIES alert. I want to put my hands on her boobies. Just a gentle little touch because um, they look amazing? The dress is so interesting and unique and the color is different and it totally works. She’s great at wearing clothes that are flattering but she’s also comfortable in. I think if I was an A list celebrity I’d do the same thing. And I’d look like Mila and we’d be best friends.

Mandy Moore- I can’t even look at her in the face and I don’t want to waste blog time talking about her. Librarian in sparkles.

Before I say goodbye for this round of live blogging I’d like to paint a little picture for you. I’m so tired and hot and not really into blogging but trying to be that I’m basically resorting to anything to make me awake/funny/into this. Soooo this means I am sitting on the couch… in my bra…downing a white wine spritzer and taking sporadic breaks to run around in circles to get my adrenaline pumping. I feel like a trashy, technologically saavy grandmother?

Ok, as I was posting this Michelle Williams was being interviewed by Ryan. Did I just witness a trainwreck?? Lip injections? Is she hopped up on xanax? Just nervous and having an allergic reaction to the shellfish she ate for lunch? Ohhhh maaa god that was so painful.