Grammy's Part UNO

Welcome to my first attempt at live blogging from the red carpet. Aka me on my couch with my computer and a bag of tostitos. Let's begin shall we??!

6:03 Gaga is arriving in a silver bean pod. What if she doesn’t get out of the bean pod and that is her costume.

Pod. By Guitillier.

6:05 Ciara looks like superwoman trying to resurrect her career.

6:06 I wish I thought Matthew Morrison was hot- it would make things so much more interesting. He always just looks like a Muppet to me.

6:07 Miranda Lambert- obviously I love the sparkles. Country artists always look like predicable pretty beauty queens. Kinda boring.

6:15 Florence from the Machine. I mean, Bjork-esque. Weird-cut but pretty color on her. Hoping for different hair for her performance.

6:16 Monica- martian? Didn’t even know she was still around.

6:20 Kelly orsborne has looked better I don’t like the color on her and her hair is starting to look Britney-esque.

6:23 Looking at Lenny Kravitz is like looking at an eclipse. He literally could blind someone with his hotness.

6:24 Martina Mcbride. Eh. Boring. Moving on.

6:30 Kathy Griffin- um hello perfect dress on you. Perfect color. Cut. Glitter. Boom. Hollllaaaaaa.

6:32 Nikki Monage YES YES YES YES YES YESEYSSSSSS kasjdflakjflafj. I love this insane bitch. She half annoys me half intrigues me. Bride of Frankenstein meets her already amazing reportaire of hair-insanity. Ohhh my god. I just realized that the leopard on her head is not a head piece its part of the actual hair. God she’s ridiculous. And love the lip color. But sometimes….I don’t actually want to hear her talk. Seriously LOVE the lips.

6:34 Bruno Mars looks hot in his semi-creepy/semi-ricky ricardo way.

6:35 THE POD HAS OFFICIALLY MADE AN ENTRANCE.

ITS GOING TO OPEN. This is a performance. “She will not be born until her performance.” She’s been incubating. I repeat she is incubating. Now Ryan is attempting to interview her with the mic up next to the pod. “She is dilating. She has worked so hard this year and this performance will shift the world.”

I just puked in my mouth. I think I would’ve liked it without the creepy dialating womb descriptions from her publicist. Like you wanna be in a bean pod? Fine but just don’t talk and go down the carpet in foreboding silence. Moving on.

6:38 Ll cool J. Screw the suit, show me your abs.

6:40 La Roux. She’s my favsies so. It’s fine with me, its very her.

6:42 Oh god. First Jennifer Hudson sighting. Oh my god. She is 5lbs. Love her hair color. Can’t see the dress.

6:43 Jenna whatever her last name is- the Asian from Glee. Ok I think the first time in glee history I don’t hate what she’s wearing. I think it makes her puffiness look subduded. Good cut, pretty color. Moving on.

6:44 Ok Ciara on the 360 glam cam looks better than she does when she is moving around. I do like the hair.

6:50 Seeing JHudson’s dress. Damn girl she is looking so amazing. I’m really not into the whole shorter in the front longer in the back dress fad going on right now. I think the cut makes the material look a little cheap but good color. Good hair color. WEIGHT WATCHERS WORKS PEOPLE.

6:52 Selena Gomez. Um hello I didn't recognize her- when did she become an adult? Cheap-ish looking material and her boobs look weird but she's beatiful.

6:49 Who is Anna Nalick? I LOVE her dress. Who are you person?

6:51 Oh hello Chrystal Bowersox, nice seeing you you little cutie. You look beautiful.

6:55 Adam Levine looks the same as ever. Hot but predicable.

6:58 Jordan Sparks. I don't care and she looks bad. Whatever.

7:00 Julianna Ranic is verbally raping Donnie Walberg and it's making me uncomfortable.

7:01 John Mayer is legit on maaaajor drugs right now and it made me feel kinda weird.

7:03 Paz Vega. Who are you? That outfit is PERFECTION. P-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n.

GRAAAAAMMMMY'S WARM MY HEART. 2nd hour of red carpet coming soon. Ohhhh boy.