Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Not Enough Boob Night

Alright people. 2011 has officially begun and thus begins that glorious time of the year called AWARDS SEASON. Or as I like to call it: Eye Candy Season.

Sunday night was the Golden Globes. Emily was in town. We hosted a dinner party. I made stuffed peppers. All was right with the world.


I'm sorry but did the entire entertainment industry forget how to dress???? SERIOUSLY I have never been so underwhelmed with a group of celebrities in my life. I think it's pretty safe to say I liked ohhhh about 5 dresses the entire night. This better not be trend for all of awards season, I simply won't know what to do with myself. I'll probably cry and not leave my apartment and order Thai food every night and the delivery man would become my only friend- all because Sandra Bullock had terrible extensions and not enough people showed cleavage.

Let's begin shall we? First things first let's get my best dressed out of the way because I know I'm going to get shit for this...


My best dressed of the night:

I know. You hate me for thinking it (I'm looking at you, Rachel Darrow). But I think Ms. Draper looks AMAZING. I love the cut. I love the color. I love love the hair combination and her boobs...perfection.

She fit right into what I believe was the underlying theme of the weekend.... carving new A-list stars. None of the A-listers looked good in my opinion and the more obscure(ish) talents were really able to emerge and establish themselves as beautiful forces to be reckoned with.

Other best dressed examples of emerging talent:

Sweet lord how beautiful did Emma Stone look? Her blond hair, banging body and gorgeous dress color took her straight from Superbad relative obscurity to one of Hollywood's elite..in a single night. Well done my funny friend, well done.

Case and point #2. Hello age appropriate and beautiful. The True Grit cutie Hailee Steinfeld looked adorbs.

And while I HATED the no cleavage trend (more on that in a minute) these up and comers captured the look perfectly and literally stole the scene from the more established actresses.

Eh ok, I'm not in love with the dress but how beautiful does Heather Morris look? You go, Glen Coco.
Way too skinny Clare Danes but oooo you look so good.

One of my favorite looks of the night. Love the lip color, love the cut and love her.

She really has created a style profile for herself hasn't she? This isn't my favorite of Princess Lea's looks but she looks beautiful none the less and I love how all the Glee girls went with the same palette.

Other favs of the night:

Hated it when I first saw it but then POW I saw the back then had to hand it to Anne. She looks phenom. It definitely followed the trend of high neck, metallic, neutral palette but she really beat out everyone else's similar looks.

Pa pow. (Although, I'm going to take away points for netting on the back instead of a full bare back. What, Anne? You're too big of a p*$!y to go completely bare? Lame.)

Perfection. LOVE the color. LOVE the accessories. Love love the bottom of the dress.

For someone who seems to make every single red carpet look like a bad Miss America pagent (read: big hair, bigger earrings) she actually looks incredibly classy and event appropriate. Note to Scarlett Johannson: THIS is how you get over a divorce.

Surprise, surprise...I clearly love this dress. Yes, it is incredibly ridiculous, she kinda looks like a prom queen the hair choice was horrendous but I loved how ballsy and fierce it was. Definitely made her stand out. Best part of the outfit? Ready for it....

Louboutin sparkly dagger shoes (official name). Ya. Pretty much dying. Don't match at all but again, points for the ballsy-ness.

Unfortunately that was about it for the looks I liked. Seriously... I hated almost everything I saw. Let's talk about it shall we?


I think that I was so pissy about the fashion at these awards because of a horrible horrible trend that seemed to sweep the masses- high neck, long sleeve, NO CLEAVAGE. Ok fine, sometimes you don't need the cleavage but for the love of god at least show me some clavicle.

The worst offenders:

Dear Leighton Meester, You look like a couch. A couch with bad botox.

Ok fine, the color is beautiful and she is beautiful and blah blah blah but I haven't seen so little skin since Katie Holmes had a scientology skin dying accident and had to cover up for 3 months. SO BORING. SHOW ME SOME BOOB.

Oh sweet Jesus. She is way too ugly to be fat.

Really Heidi??? Sooo disappointing. Horrible, horrible hair. And to keep with the theme.... SHOW ME SOME BOOB.

I ask for more boob and I get a bra. Go figure. We get it Halle, you're hot, but wearing a bustier with a super weird bottom is not what I was hoping for. Ugh.

Ok fine. The girls in my office are trying to convince me that I'm crazy for hating this. I think I just hate J.Lo. And ok fine, nice caplet but I'd rather have that fabric as drapes in my bedroom ....I'm just sayin'.

BUT ohhhh my god literally OBESSSINGGG over what she wore to the after party: FIERCE FIERCE FIERCE.

Bad hair of the night was a tie between:

You don't need to see their dresses- they were bad. Really bad and not even worth showing. But that hair...

Emily perfectly compared this hairdo to those trojan intense pleasure commercials.

There are bangs and then there is hair cut off halfway back on the head WITH visible extension lines everywhere. I love you Sandra so I'll let this slide but eeesh.

And the worst dressed award for the evening goes to:

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PREGNANT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DRESS LIKE A 12 YEAR OLD THAT SLAPPED A FLOWER ON YOUR BOOBS. And that color. Come on. She's been dressing horrible since she announced her pregnancy. I'm over it. A little bloat is no excuse for poor taste.

This posting has left me exhausted and pouty from all of my self imposed negativity. I'm going to go watch that youtube videos of puppies to put a smile on my face. In the meantime- leave comments, I want to hear what you think.


  1. Lar, we get it... you haven't seen any boob in a while & it's obviously missing from your life. Look, you know where to find me. I'm just sayin....

    And as for the rest of it, well you know my thoughts as I clearly bullet pointed that evening. And while I don't respect your decision to feature Bimbo Whore first, you almost made up for it with Ms. Stone as your second fave - ammmmmazing!!

  2. I second that! Amazing post minus Angelina because she doesn't deserve an inch on your amazing blog. Just saying. But your other points... well said Ms. Wilinsky!!